FAINTS; what I nearly did.
It’s Christmas Eve today. I have been feeling under the weather all through this week and dragging myself to work everyday hoping to make it to today (which is the day I officially close for the year). When I woke up this morning, I got dressed, went back to bed having only enough energy to gaze absentmindedly at the ceiling of my bedroom. I’m contemplating my existence and why in the world my body feels like I’ve been run over by seventeen angry elephants. My contemplation isn’t yielding much but I keep doing it anyway.
I do this until a friend calls me, approximately six minutes after my expected resumption time to ask if I had made it to work. I hadn’t. He gave me the one sane option – call in sick. But being the super woman that I kid myself that I am, I say “No, today is the last day of work this year. I can summon enough energy to end this last day well”.
I then proceed to drag my tired bottom to work and as I am attending to my last client, my eyes do a funny thing, my head drops ever so lightly, the room spins just a little bit and I find that my height has halved. In order words, I nearly pass out. So I ask my senior colleague to review all the work that I have done today, just to be sure I haven’t made any errors. I then excuse myself from work and go home early.
As it’s my last day at work for the year; I hop on the train and start to head to my Aunt’s place. I’m still feeling off and my head is banging on repeat but every part of me is just eager to get home so I can be pampered for the rest of the year.
RAILS; on the way to magic.
Some minutes into my ride, the train stops abruptly and 5 minutes later, the driver announces that we are being stopped indefinitely because there’s a situation on the rails.
The situation is simple, someone has had enough of their life and is on the train rails wanting to commit suicide, hoping that the train will run them over and end it all and there are officers trying to de-escalate the situation to get the person off the rail tracks. It doesn’t seem to add up, why will any one want to cease to exist at a such a time as this?
It’s holiday season, there are lights everywhere and many people have mounted their trees. Gifts are exchanging hands and everywhere seems jolly. Random people are walking by shouting merry Christmas with a-half-genuine smile to anyone who cares to hear and return the greeting. At least that’s what seems apparent as we walk by carrying out our daily activities. But for someone to want to die at this time, it means that what we see apparently is not really the reality. At least, it’s not the only reality that there is to see this supposedly jolly season.
BLUES; something we all feel.
Yes, there’s lights around but not every one is seeing it. There’s snow abounding but for many, the cold is coming from within. Many are looking over their account statements silently groaning at how it doesn’t seem to balance. Many know from a glance that they are already broke into January, many are going into this holiday season feeling like they have failed this year not having quite achieved all they had hoped to, many are grieving and wishing they had a certain family member with them to have and to hold this Christmas, many are coming to terms with difficult diagnoses and many have had to end relationships that were supposed to last till death do part.
Many have resorted to using humor to console themselves for still being single despite being all too ready to mingle, many people are sick and just showing up day-in-day-out because that’s all they can do to ensure their survival; many are feeling lost and wondering what the celebration is really supposed to be about,
Many are tired, hungry, saddened and heavily nostalgic for what they are not aware of. And many, overwhelmingly many of the people in this category are Normal. If you fall into any aspect of these categories, pause right now and take this minute to breathe out as you most certainly aren’t alone in how you feel. Take deep breaths and remind yourself that you are normal. And you will get through these holiday blues.
MAGIC; what Christmas isn’t.
Christmas is not supposed to be about faking a jolly feeling until you make it come to pass neither is it supposed to bring an obscene pressure on you to be what you evidently aren’t. It also isn’t a time where magic suddenly appears to right every thing wrong or out of order in our lives.
At its best, Christmas is simply a time where people are intentional about creating something worth celebrating. It’s a time where we remember that indeed, someone was born to offer those who choose to believe, a whole new unprecedented approach to life as well as a renewed hopeful existence. It’s a time to remember that there were gracious hands extended out to help us, when we were not even aware of how much help we would be needing.
Christmas is in essence a culmination of what we ought to do everyday, which is to remain hopeful, that there is more coming for us as promised by God. So, if you find yourself struggling to feel the ‘magic’ this season, remember that you are not alone. Remember everything that went right and every time you received help even before you could ask for it, remember that you’ve survived a hundred percent of every tough season you’ve had to face and shift your focus towards creating your own magic. Take out time to rest, to be present, to acknowledge how you really feel deep down. Take stock of what it is you are grateful for and find simple ways to make the day count.
Most of all, remember that you are loved and chosen long before you could believe it. You are still chosen even when you feel blue. Still chosen even when you can’t see why and when it no longer seems or feels to be worth it. Chosen enough for God himself to come in the form of Flesh and blood to make this evident to you. Remember this, for it is what we really are celebrating.
Seasons Greetings; what I wish you all.
