Today is Thursday and I have just completed my exam and the sh*t was hard. Everyone I know that sat for it has different forms of complaints that I can relate to and given that my co-writers are geniuses, that’s saying something.
Firstly, the time ran so fast, like it had an appointment and hence was barely enough. I don’t even get to cross check my answers.
Secondly, the options were crafty, like ijapa-tiroko. You know those kind of exams where you are absolutely sure that the first 3 options are wrong but the last two seem weirdly similar and you have to pick between Christian Grey and Jamie Dornan?♀️?♀️!!
This exam, being the third major exam for the year, in a long list of endless exams I’ll probably be writing as a doctor, makes me feel like I’ve been reading all my life. The simple thought of it makes me tired and grossly in need of a spa.
Ideally, my normal custom is to take some time to rest up and replenish my energy after such an event, but given that every one is mandated to do this NYSC thing in this country and the certificate issued for completing it is a requirement for employment, I have no choice but to resume to the camp ground immediately after the exam.
Before heading to camp however, I branch Mega-Chicken and indulge myself with some Pounded Yam and Egusi soup.
Camp ground.
For some reasons I don’t know, I thought wearing a pair of wedge shoes to the exam hall was a cool idea but now, as I trek the long distance of this camp road, carrying my heavy bag, I’m rethinking my decision and basically my whole life!
My platoon members seem kind – this is my first impression of them as I navigate through the initial registration. Some of them try to make jokes and small talk with me but although I try very hard to be courteous, my social tank is totally empty for the day and probably even the year, so it doesn’t take long for them to see through my charade of keeping up appearances and stop fraternizing with me.
After all the registration jumbo, I drag my weary bones to the bathroom. My head feels heavy, every where hurts, I have coryza and really need to sleep.
You know, I’ve always heard stories of how clean and bubbly the Lagos Camp is. The hype was so much that I was greatly dissapointed when I saw the bathroom. It’s the open type where there are no doors and anyone can watch you do your business. People bathe in pairs, which is a no-no for me. I would rather queue and be the last person on the line, as long I get to bathe alone, which is what I eventually did.
When it was my turn to wash my sins away, this naked girl struts in, flaunting her whatever and says “I’ll join you in the bathroom”.
My eyes pop ?
In my head, I’m like we don’t do that here, especially not after waiting all these while for a chance to bathe alone.
I start racking my head for a decent way to say no, but obscenities run through my mind instead.
My hopes for privacy are completely dashed and by the time I came up with my genius response, she had joined me in the tiny cubicle, baptized me with kidney juice and every other juice you can imagine and all I can do in response is squirm.
PS; If there’s a day one, there’ll surely be other days coming right up.