Saturday
Historically, saturdays are for sleeping in.
That applies everywhere else save NYSC camp and hospitals. So as usual our ears are split open with the constant noise of the whistle and bugle, signaling time for drills.
Today is the day I would be representing my platoon. I’m no longer excited about it but the others seem to be, so I smile and make jokes about it. I take selfies too and realize that my once rough face is beginning to heal itself. As the days progress, I find less and less things to write about simply because everything here has become a routine. And I dislike boring routines.
During the drills, a new song is introduced to our morning workout. It’s a count down song and it reminds me that I have just ten days left here. The excitement with which I jog and dance to this particular song surprises even me. It’s good nobody is taking a video of me right now, or not.
In preparation for the contest, we rent two gowns. One is a dinner dress which is pink while the other is a red edo attire. My shoes are also pink. I try to practice my catwalk in it and find that it feels different from doing it on bare foot.
After placing the order for the gowns, we go to the market to style Tesse’s wig. I must at this point say that Tesse is an amazing fellow. ? You know, one of those people who have pure supportive vibes. She volunteers to lend me her wig for the contest. I’m more of a wig person but I came here wearing Ghana-braids because of the low maintenance and styling ease it comes with. These benefits make me unwilling to loosen it for a 2-hour contest.
BRAIDS OVER WIGS
It’s braided weaving which means there’s ample surface area for fresh air to access my scalp and cool my brains down in this blistering heat. ?♀️
Wigs come with their own bliss too, but if you have to walk around under the sun compulsorily, accumulating sweat on your scalp, which will eventually get itchy, is not going to be a funny experience. Besides I have a bad habit of yanking my wig off in hot weathers and walking about with underground cornrows in broad daylight, ??something tells me that will not be socially appropriate in this environment.
Also, I’ve already made up my mind to go completely make up free for camp because my skin has been breaking out. I’m not going to add to my struggle by adding rough and poorly kept hair to it.
You are probably brilliantly wondering why I don’t just loosen the hair and make new braids? Firstly, my scalp is sensitive, it still hurts from it’s last encounter with relaxer three weeks ago and also my hair is about fourteen inches long now, most people don’t know how to handle it and I’m scared they will cut it anyhow. It’s taken me five years to grow out my tresses so I’m not up for experimenting different hands.
So back to my point, we style the wig, and they say we should pay a ridiculous sum for it. You already know your home girl. I worked my magic and we end up paying half the price.
RISKY WARDROBES
I try my gown on, it’s tight and the zip can’t be completely done. It’s too late to get an alternative so I’ll be wearing it like that. As long as it doesn’t fall of me because it’s a sleeveless boob-tube dress and I won’t be wearing any underwear in it from my waist up. So hell no, this dress will not be falling off me on stage. ?♀️
2 hours to the program, my platoon inspector calls me and gives me a lecture. The summary is I must not lose this. If you know him, you’ll understand what I mean when I say that this mounts the weight of Everest on my shoulders.
I mean I’m competitive. I do things to win. Plus how can I lose with all these curves, yeah?
I start to revise all manner of questions: names of commandants and inspectors and director generals etc. It almost feels like I’m getting another MBBS degree ?
Tolu volunteers to do my makeup and she does a good job with it. My skin has been through a lot in the last few weeks and I’ve stopped bothering to make it up. So to have someone do something mild and get glam is nice. I like what I see in the mirror and my confidence increases.
While she is doing the makeup, a girl in red hair comes and starts to condemn it. She says the eyebrows are not good enough, and she proceeds to get a foundation brush to adjust my contour. It’s getting on the nerves of Tolu, I can watch her struggle to contain her self. It occurs to me that I’m hungry and I look this red haired girl in the eye and politely ask her to help me get food from mammy market.
She asks what I would like and I say noodles and fried egg. Honestly, rice would have done the job, I wouldn’t get the chance to eat until after the contest, and nobody likes cold noodles, but if she gets it for me, it would require her to wait with the cooks while they are preparing it. And she wouldn’t be back until My makeup is close to done, that would give Tolu some breathing space. She decides to go and get it and I’m really grateful. Two birds killed with one stone.
Tolu breathes out and continues to work her magic on my face. When the girl returns, my makeup is all done and she actually complements it. I’m glad she did, because I’m hoping she learnt patience and to just trust that the end of a thing is better than the beginning there of. She had jumped too soon into a poor conclusion and criticized unconstructively. Don’t get me wrong I’m very glad that she bought me dinner. But still fair is fair.
BACKSTAGE NERVES
I’m nervous by now, as I head to the back stage. There are guys, more like boys, ?hovering around our changing area aimlessly. Probably hoping to catch glimpses of bare skin here and there as we change. Changing is really stressful. I cover myself with a wrapper and struggle into my first attire of the night. I’m sweating already. One of the platoon soldiers come around and just condemns everything I’m doing. From the makeup to the costumes to my usually impeccable smile. ? And she has the guts to start adding new instructions to my already well rehearsed routine. It disorganizes me honestly but I listen to her anyway. After all I’m here to win this.?♀️
When I enter for the first contest, I’m completely confused and not sure what to do. I go there and shake my body, because we are supposed to be exercising.
Who came up with this idea?
I feel so ridiculous ?
After I leave the stage I hurriedly change into my next costume which is an Edo attire. That soldier woman comes again and criticizes it: she has problems with the fact that it’s a gown and not a wrapper. ? it makes me wonder where she was with all her expertise when we were struggling to rent an outfit for my body type.
I’ve selected a danceable song but somehow the DJ screws it up and I have to dance and smile to some beats that has no rhythm.
After I leave the stage, I hear the audience screaming loudly. It turns out the person on stage is having a gross wardrobe malfunction. Despite the lining of her cord lace, all her briefs are flashing very brightly to the audience. It’s not funny. She comes off the stage weeping profusely. The MC has the mind to make crude jokes about it. It makes me think about my custume seriously. It’s tight enough that it can’t fully zip and although it’s not transparent, I’m still scared because there’s nothing underneath.
While on stage, I am asked the capital city of Zamfara and although I’ve completely forgotten it, I boldly proclaim it to be ABAKALIKI ????
Wait y’all, this is not a brains contest. It’s a BOLD, big and beautiful contest yeah.
I answered boldly is what should matter, innit? ?
How in God’s green earth am I supposed to remember Gusau? I don’t even know any notable thing about that area that can help me remember it. Plus if I chose to sing that state and capital song, Zamfara is the very last, everybody will figure out that I’ve forgotten it. I can’t be that obvious please. I can confuse people with my boldness instead, besides how many of the audience even remembers ??
Abakaliki it is jor… take it or leave it.
WAITING ON RESULTS
When they line us out on stage to announce the winner, I keep a huge smile on my face.
I honestly have no idea what will happen. But I take real care climbing the steps as I don’t want to go tumbling humpty-dumpy like someone just did.
ALL I DO IS WIN
They announce the winner and for some reason it’s not me. ?
How can it not be me? ?
Me that I’m here smiling my teeth off?
The 1st and second position fellows are crying. One is crying because she is stunned, the other is crying because she is still embarrassed by the fact that her wardrobe malfunctioned. I guess the emotion success draws from each of us is relative.
Backstage, my friends and platoon mates come and congratulate me.
They tell me I did well and they are proud of me.
We take pictures, we joke and we banter and for some reason, I feel like the winner.
I am the winner actually.
I’m big
I’m bold
I am beautiful
And I am a lot more wonderful things!
It doesn’t matter what the judges think.
(Dj play me the champion song)
When I get back to the hostel, a very vigorous round of teasing and clowning starts. This is good!
In no time my voice is gone from the shouts and I eventually go to bathe. I’m about to sleep when I realize I haven’t eaten my noodles. ?
Out of guilt I eat it, because I don’t want to waste the sacrifice of the person who got it for me.
All in all, it was a good day!
My phone rings, and guess who it is?
My platoon commandant.
The one who gave me the daunting lecture.
He tells me I did well and he is proud of me even though I didn’t win.
Wait, who is cutting all these onions beside me? ??
PS: in retrospect, the criteria for winning was really to be plus sized (sizes 18 and above). My very modest size 14 was deemed the smallest amongst the competitors.
Lol. Very interesting post.
Thank you Darlington ??
Lmao, at some point I smiled, I laughed so hard too, this post has to be the most interesting so far, plus the pictures are beautifulllllllll???
You were really the winner here. You looked good in those gowns. Quite an interesting read. Keep it up
Awwn
Yes o.
Always the winner.
???
Thank you Chimeremma
??
Awwwn,
You are really a Gift to me.
Thank you so much.
I lowkey had fun this day too.
??
Haha, great stuff. Big, bold and beautiful. No one can ever accuse you of not being that.
Hahaha.
Yes o
I am all that and even more baby ?
Thank you Tosin ?
Who made up the size rule. Ah! They didn’t look at you and decide that the rules have to change. Don’t mind them.
Plus: I thought there was a rule that states that Abakaliki is the go to state capital when you can’t remember and no points will be deducted for it. Are you saying this isn’t true?! Lol.
I know right.
Those rules need to be amended.
I mean look at all these blessings on blessings on blessings.???
Abakaliki all the way.
Ain’t nobody convincing me otherwise.
???
Thank you Olise
??
Haha. You’re really a champ!
Well done!
Sudhir ??
Thank you .??
Flesh and blood did not reveal this to you.
Always a champ ????????
Weldone star B. Keep it up
Hehehe.
What I like most about your comment is my name “Star B” ?????
Thank you Tope ???
I really appreciate your courage to even represent your platoon, and you look perfect in the make up. Well down my dear.
Oh mama ?????
Thank you.
I feel like you get my struggle.
I was both bold and shy to contest at the same time.
Thank you so much ???
??? your stories are honestly hilarious and captivating. Abakaliki should be the capital of Zamfara jooor!
Namesake ???
Thank you o.
I can’t believe it’s not Abakaliki.
No one can convince me that I’m wrong.
A while pearl like me.
Mbanu ???
Na Abakaliki all the way
????
Awww?, you looked so beautiful, I was wondering why u didnt win till I saw the criteria.
Thanks Chidinma ?
??
But u got me with the Abakiliki as capital of Zamfara ??, but all join,its not 2nd MB.
???
I got myself too.
The weird thing is Gusau rang in my mind very dimly.
So dimly that I thought my mind was playing tricks.
Abakaliki, on the other hand sounded so catchy.
I felt it could confuse the MC and the audience ??
Continue to be a winner dear❤
Yay ????
Thank you Temmy.
I will, God helping me ?