The first time I saw someone die, it felt like a joke and I simply wasn’t ready for it. I was seated beside the fellow, absentmindedly listening to him as he talked with someone else who was seated adjacent to us. Without warning, he suddenly fell on my thighs and breathed his last. My first words were “get up, you know you weigh a ton “ (I said that jokingly, like I always do).
It was not until 4 different doctors certified him dead before I could believe the fellow had actually passed on. It took 7 months of trauma and living in denial before I could come to terms with the fact that I’d never hear this person talk again. Till date, I still grope mentally when trying to navigate that event.
ps: that weighty fellow was my dad. read more here
The second experience had the same effect on me, I still wasn’t ready. This time around, I walked into my patient’s room, introduced myself and took her consent to check her blood pressure. She replied, “go ahead”. I inflated the cuff of the sphygmomanometer and set the stethoscope to my ears, hoping to hear some real korotkoff sounds but I heard nothing.
I inflated again because as expected, every living human should have a recordable systolic blood pressure but still there was no sound.
By the time I looked up to tell the senior doctor that I wasn’t hearing anything, the patient had already breathed her last breath.
That day was my first day at work. Talk about ‘gbas-gbos’.
Strike 2, we immediately started CPR (a super-hero energy sapping exercise we doctors love to do to raise the dead?). Pushed 1ml of adrenaline to woo her heart into beating once more and all through the time , I kept asking myself “Is this how it happen to all of us ?”
We continued the CPR for 45 minutes, pushed in more adrenaline, intubated and did every other thing medically possible. All through the while, I was in turmoil because for starters, nature was calling for the major ?, hunger pangs were liquefying my empty stomach, my uterus was grating away at what little strength I had in my body and my mind was stuck on a strange loop chyming repeatedly “is this how it will happens to all of us?”
These days, it’s more or less easy, I can recognize the wink of death in a human body even when it’s in denial, especially after the soul has long departed. It’s now easy for me to interpret the inevitable events once I see the human heart desperately swinging from hypertension to persistently low BPs despite tons of NORAD.
I understand what’s coming once I see two weak lungs gasp in unison and pant in defiance for the air we carelessly pollute with tobacco, as they refuse to be dragged into the peaceful oblivion that death is.
I now know that dying is easy, living is hard! Moreso, living intentionally. We will all die, whether we are ready or not. Struggling to stay alive is what saps the energy out of a man. Knowing this, I ask myself, am I ready?
Since I’m not ready to die, the least I can do is be ready to live. And not just live, but live intentionally, to choose the life that I want even when walking through the valley of death. I choose to live like I mean it, not absentmindedly but living everyday with the intention to live.
ps: I do hope you got all the pun intended??
Wow. This couldn’t have been easy
Nah, it wasn’t. It never is.
You make dying sound so seamless?. Amazing writeup sugar. I choose to live!
It is actually. Dying is easy, being sick is the hard part ?
Thank you namesake ??
Those memories linger for life but makes us cherish the life we have. Beautifully written…
Thank you Ope. ??
Had to binge read the few writeups here, couldn’t help it. I love your blog!
Thank you ?
Binging is good. There will be more to binge on soon enough. Can’t wait to share!?
Beautiful and amazing write up ma’am. I remember my first experience seeing someone breathe his last, I had night mares for days; was scared of going to the emergency unit. But I learnt one thing cherishing the life we have.
I am sorry to hear about the night mares. It’s a pretty intense thing to experience. And yes! We should cherish the life we have ?
Beautiful and amazing write up ma’am. I remember my first experience seeing someone breathe his last, I had night mares for days; was scared of going to the emergency unit. But I learnt one thing: cherishing the life we have.
Your blog is really beautiful! I love it. I have never seen anyone breathe their last, and I can’t even imagine how that would be like. So sorry about your dad too. ❤
Mide| http://www.theportablehub.com
Thank you so much Mide ! Watching people breathe their last is hard and emotionally intense but can sometimes be a beautiful thing to see especially when it happens peacefully.
Soooo deep. Really really deep
Thank you very much Olawuyi ?
Beautiful write up! No matter how long one lives here on earth, he/she must leave one day. Yes, for the time we’re here, we should cherish the life we have.
Thank you very much☺️
So touching?
Thank you Doc ! ?
I choose to live! Very beautiful piece, thank you for sharing.
Thank you Bolu !!!
I hope to share more soon ?
So sorry about your Dad.
Beautiful writeup
Thank you Chidinma ?
Quite inspiring Biola. It’s a good job. Worth reading over and again.
Thank You Very Much Boss. I appreciate you !!!
In a nutshell, this is what doctors go through. Another wonderful write up
I know right !!! We go through this almost everyday ?♀️ Thanks ?
Hmm that was gratifying i read almost to the end
Deep
Thank you Princess ??
The first time I saw someone die, I looked on with feigned indifference because I wanted to protect myself. When I was little, I used to have panic attacks (I didn’t know what it was called at age 8) because I couldn’t believe one day I would cease to exist. You’re strong for facing your trauma. That’s a courage I envy.
Awww. ??Thank you for your kind words Gloria. Truly it doesn’t ever get easy to face it. But we move ???
Hi Biola, this is a lovely writeup I just stumbled into. I’m taking a lot away from here. “Dying is easy but living intentionally is hard” – a profound statement worth guiding us every day.
Thank you Olumide for visiting my blog and for your kind words.